Monday, August 8, 2011

I am bored all the time. I seem to lack the motivation to go out that much, when I do, its just all the same.?

I think about going to the movies - there's nothing I want to see. I think about going shopping - no money and it takes effort. The town is the same, it won't change if I go next week or in a month. I just feel like i'm moaning all the time. I don't really want to go home (I''m at University) and even when I do think go home, I feel like i'll have the same problems i.e. its just all the same, there are only so many things to do. I just feel like a moaning cow all the time, cause i'm so bored. I have no friends up here, cause I felt self-conscious at the beginning of term and it hasn't improved. Every timee I have met someone in the past they have disappeared and I have never seen them again, or we haven't spoken again. I don't feel like I've met anyone that I can connect with on the same level with my friends at home. Argh I feel so crappy at the moment. I don't know if I have depression or not and I am sorry if it just sounds like a rant. I can't be bothered to shower half the time, so I have started staying in my pyjamas more and more. I swear I am sleeping more due to exhaustion. I wake up feeling really tired and weak. I can't go downstairs and cook anymore cause I feel uncomfortable round my housemate (cause we had a falling out). Therefore I feel restricted to my room. The strange thing is I don't even care about half this stuff. So it's confusing me why i'm even telling people. I often begin ranting cause I feel bored and just down and the rest seems to come out with it. I feel like i've got used to it, but it doesn't seem on reflection a good thing to have gotten used to. I feel like binging when I do eat (on crap). Mostly I survive on going out and buying sandwiches when my housemate is home, but this takes money. Today I haven't showered at, been in my pyjamas all day so far (its like 8:30pm), and i've eaten a few squares of chocolate and a can of Heinz spaghetti cold out of the can - does this sound good/normal to anyone??? I just really want someone to talk to me I guess right now. As attention seeking as it sounds, I just feel like I need a bit of attention from someone, but at the same time I can't bring myself to call my friends cause I want to be left alone..... help me I am so confused... (Please try not to judge me too harshly or hate me, but obviously be honest).

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